FALLS APART

"Falls, apart, everything around me

falls, apart, when I walk away from you"

Falls Apart--Thousand Foot Krutch

(Note: Stop the automatic music at the bottom of the screen and please play the song provided with this blog post... AND PLAY IT INSANELY LOUD)

Falls apart..............................

Everything around me

When I walk away from you

I have no good pictures, or profound insight. (As if anyone ever read this to get anything out of it.) But just realization.

Things fall apart when I walk away from God. I love how TFK puts it so simply. From the very start, things fall apart when I walk away from you.

He holds me together. He holds everything together. 

It isn't about my track record. It's not about how great I pray, how great I act, or how many people I can get pumped for him. It's not about how great I can do "ministry." 

RUBBISH. Crap. It STILL all falls apart when I walk away from him.

I think I can put my life into a perfect little box. I get my script on how I should live life. I go through the motions, and I act, say, and do what good little Christian girls should.

NO.  

Even with scripts, things fall apart. 

I need him. I need him to breathe! I need him to keep my life together.

Philippians 2:12-15 has been going through my head lately.

"Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose. Do everything without complaining or arguing, 15so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe."

Things in life are not easy--even as a follower of Christ. So, get that out of your head. It's hard. Continue to work out your faith with fear and trembling.

Fear and trembling

Everyday i'm faced with decisions. lots of decisions. And everyday i need to make a decision to live for him through every decision I make. not so easy when you hear people talking smack about each other and i'm standing there like an idiot and i should say something about it.

not so easy when people ask more of me than what i can give.

not so easy when i feel cheated

not so easy when i want the other people to "get what they deserve"

not so easy when i feel like things are falling apart

not every decision is an easy one.... in fact, it's with fear and trembling I make the decisions i need to make.

I can't live life according to scripts. I can't live life the easy way. I can't just "do the right thing" and think everything will be okay. I have tried that. Jesus didn't come to live on this Earth, and die a terrible treacherous death and rise from the dead just so I could live an easy "christian" little life. He died so I could live...

live radically with him

I wish I could, but I don’t, 
Always keep the promises I’ve kept,
I wish I could, but I can’t, 
Always give, whatever I have left,

And now it’s all so clear, 
Doesn’t anyone see what’s happening here?..../

It falls, apart, from the very start,
It falls, apart, seems like everything I touch,
Falls, apart, every thing around me,
Falls, apart, when I walk away from you

I need Jesus. I need to live and breathe Jesus.

Thanksgiving: Food, Family, & Garage

The holidays are always crazy times. There are so many people to see, food to prepare, and just plain work that goes into such a "relaxing" time!  I get a bit stressed out. Dragging the kids around with all the coats, clothes, diapers, and other items gets exhausting.  Not to mention with the new atmosphere, Grace and Justice refused to nap for any extended period of time. It isn't until almost a week later I feel like I have them back on a normal schedule.

We went to my parents house for Thanksgiving. It was wonderful to see so much family that I haven't seen in years! I also couldn't believe how much our family has grown in number. 23 people came for Thanksgiving, and that's just a fraction of the family!

Oh, but the fun doesn't stop there. Thanksgiving morning we also received a call... someone early that morning had taken out the side of our garage! Brian and I quickly ran home to see the damage. He sure took out the entire corner of the garage!

Our car was hit (while in the garage!), and we have yet to have insurance figure out the damage. But I have to be honest, we had to laugh. What's the chances our car would be hit while IN the garage?!

Well, there was nothing we could do about it on Thanksgiving but take pictures and laugh about it. Then we left to enjoy our turkey dinner.

Luxurie

From the french [a state of great comfort & extravagant living]

I have sat with this post in my drafts for awhile. I didn't know how to write it (and I still don't). But, with Thanksgiving and Black Friday behind us and the Holiday season is here, full commercial swing and all. I might as well post this now. 

[Last week]

The other week there was a conference at the Hyatt Hotel in Minneapolis. 

LUXURY

I have seen beautiful buildings, and posh things, but because I got to live it for a couple of days, it was over the top.  Granted, I LIKED IT. I liked being pampered. I liked high class. Why not?!

I liked the granite counters, down comforter, 1,000 count Egyptian sheets, and not the mention the spectacular view! This was the view from the 19th floor...

 

It was simply breath-taking. 

And that wasn't the end of such luxury. Of course this place has a fitness center/day spa. My very loving husband sent me to go and check it out. I got a massage (first professional massage in my life!) and checked out the facility. OMGosh. I didn't want to leave the ladies locker room! It was so posh and LUXURIOUS that I could have spent the better part of the day there.

So why am I writing about all this?

It was wonderful, beautiful, and exciting. But it's not somewhere I'd like to be all the time. There's a very dangerous mindset that goes along with it all.

"I deserve this."

Can anything be further from the truth?  But, that mentality does start creeping in. "I deserve this treatment." "I am high class." "I deserve this."

Oh, how terrible is that. I don't deserve this.

COMMERCIALISM KILLS

The pampering, the nice things, stuff. None of it is bad, but it's the mentality that's pushed behind it. "I deserve this."

"I will feel better if I buy this." "I will be ________ if I get this."

I am soooo happy to hear that Black Friday sales were not the same as last year. I was sooo happy to hear that sales are down everywhere. Granted, I don't like the economy being down and people being out of jobs, but we are so sucked into stuff, it's nice to get a breather. WE DON'T NEED IT.

I live in a land of luxury, and for it I am blessed and cursed. To whom much is given, much is expected. 

I have been given much, how much more does He expect from me?

Give to the poor. Defend the widow. 

"Do not wear yourself out to get rich;

have the wisdom to show restraint.

Cast but a glance at riches, and they are gone,

for they will surely sprout wings and

fly off to the sky like an eagle."

{Proverbs 23:4-5}

White as Snow

My photo challenge is over. I missed a few days, but it did challenge me to take pictures of the everyday, not just the special moments. 

The year's first snow. Now there really is nothing spectacular about it, but it is something that makes me love to take pictures. This snow was so pretty. Everything had an inch or two blanket of fluffy snow. The air was crisp and it felt so fresh. 

That morning we got the kids out of bed and got them into their snowsuits so that they could experience the first snow! Grace couldn't wait! Justice had no idea what was going on.

Outside Grace exclaimed, "Ohhh, SNOWMAN!"

We had just watched Frosty The Snowman so she equated all the snow with snowman. She loved walking through it and trying to make a ball out of it. 

Justice couldn't move in his snowsuit and was less than impressed. We wanted to touch it, but his hands had mittens on it. When Daddy gave him some fresh snow he finally cracked a smile, but it didn't last too long.

Of course, the white snow and cold air brings along the Christmas feeling. I baked goodies that day and played Christmas music that I had on my computer. 

But the best part was not the holiday spirit, but what snow truly reminds me of. 

"Your hands are full of blood;

wash and make yourselves clean. 

       Take your evil deeds 

       out of my sight! 

       Stop doing wrong,

learn to do right! 

       Seek justice, 

       encourage the oppressed.

       Defend the cause of the fatherless, 

       plead the case of the widow.

 "Come now, let us reason together," 

       says the LORD. 

       "Though your sins are like scarlet, 

       they shall be as white as snow; 

       though they are red as crimson, 

       they shall be like wool."

Isaiah 1:15b-18

When I see the snow, I honestly think of this. My hands are full of blood, red... My God tells me to stop doing what is wrong, but to learn to do right! (It's not just the cessation of doing wrong, but learning and doing the right thing!) 

Seek justice. Encourage the oppressed. Defend the fatherless and Plead the case of the widow. Those are such STRONG verbs for doing! By following after Him and believing in Him, he sees my scarlet hands...and he makes them white as snow. What a gracious God.  (Notice both words of grace and justice were in this paragraph...hmmm)

The first snow. It's such a reminder for me, that my Jesus has taken my bloody hands and cleaned them to be as white as snow.

President Elect Barack Obama

I have really enjoyed this year's political/religious debate. 

Please read Walt Mueller's Blog about the President-Elect. I think it provides some good insight.

President-Elect Barack Obama

Midnight Grocery Shopping

Yesterday I spent the day cleaning the apartment from top to bottom. I made a menu for two weeks, a shopping list that would fit our budget, and worked on youth group. Last night, after youth group, and still pumped up on adrenaline, I went grocery shopping.

I've been grocery shopping late before, but it was when I was in college or needed one or two things. This time, it was full-fledged grocery shopping. They were restocking the shelves as I was there, so I had to maneuver my heaping cart around mountains of boxed food. But, I didn't have lines, crabby people around me, or my children ripping food off of the shelves or crying. I was tired, but I was out of the house and relaxed. I didn't get to bed until long after 1 AM. How's that for overtime?!

Sometimes I feel like my job as homemaker doesn't make sense to anybody (except my husband). Then, if I put it into job terms...this IS what I do:

• Community Skills Trainer
  
• Event Coordinator
• Fiscal Manager
• Menu Planner
• Chef/Nutritionist
• Home Health
• Sanitation Specialist
• Counselor for Youth & Family
• Teacher
• Spiritual Advisor/Pastor
• Graphic Arts Designer
• Curriculum Developer
• Bible Scholar

Okay, that's a self-booster for me. All that plus overtime, nights and weekends expected. 

But, I love what I do. I get to create play out of normal activities for my children, and teach them how to live in this culture. I wouldn't trade that in for the world.

{Day 26}

Justice plays in the winter coats tub.

I have been so impressed with how Grace and Justice have been learning and growing up. Yesterday, out of the blue, Grace said, "1, 2, 3, 5"

"No, Grace, 4," I said.

"Yeah, 5, 6, 8"

"7."

"7, 8, 9, 10."

I have not been working exclusively with learning how to count, but just doing it in passing. My, how she soaks everything in! She knows her colors, and lately she's been learning the alphabet.

Justice has now learned to pull himself up into the standing position, finger-walk (in fact, he prefers it over crawling), wave and say "buh-bye" and "hi." Now he learned how to throw his cup over his high chair tray and exclaim, "uh-oh!"

And I can't take the credit (though I wish I could)! First, I give God the glory for the amazing love and gifts that He's given my children. Then, I think about the loving people they are around all the time. Daddy, Grandmas and Grandpas, aunts and uncles that work with my children, teaching and playing with them. They learn the alphabet when they are babysat, and get books read to them. They get to play and learn with people who love them. There is never a dull moment. What a BLESSING!

{Day 27}

Grace playing with her Alphabet flash cards that daddy got her, 

and Justice staring intently at the camera, knowing that it will flash.

Happy Halloween!

The last week has been mostly swelling and pain management, so I haven't been so sauve with the camera. I got some pictures of the swelling and how beat up I look, but... those don't need to be posted. They are for my memory, not yours. :-)

So... I'm up to day 25 of the challenge. I am a bit disappointed that I missed a couple of days, but that's okay. I got some very cute pics of Halloween to make up for it.

This Halloween we were going to have a party to get to know people in our community. However, management had to veto the party idea last minute, so we moved on to plan B. We went Trick or Treating at the great-grandparents' homes. 

Grace was a dragon and Justice was a tiger. For the animals they really can be...they were such troopers! We traveled a lot in the car.

"Grace...what does a dragon say?!"

"GRRRRAaaaaarrrrr!"

It was hilarious. Grace really got the "trick or treat" and receiving candy. She didn't ever want to part with her pumpkin with her candy in it. Even at night we were trying to go to bed and she didn't want to leave that pumpkin! We had to convince her to put it in a "safe place" for tomorrow.

{Day 25}