Letting Go...of perfectionism

December 5 – Let Go. What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why? (Author: Alice Bradley)

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I pondered this all day Sunday.

What have I "let go" of this year? Really, I think I have let go of a lot, but it's about keeping it "let go of" that is the hard part.

I let go of (or trying to let go of) perfectionism. Clean house, perfect food, perfect creativity, perfect "formula" of how to do life. I realized there is no perfect way to live life, from person to person, but I had to let go of the idea that there is a perfect way to live my own life. A perfect balance of motherhood, creativity, and control on things.

It's not going to happen. And trying to control my life to such perfectionism isn't going to drive me to perfection, but instead to legalism. One quote that really impacted me from earlier this year was,

"I am careful not to confuse excellence with perfection.

Excellence, I can reach for; perfection is God's business."

Michael J. Fox

I am letting go of perfectionism, striving for excellence.

It's a work in progress.

Wonder

December 4 – Wonder. How did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year? (Author: Jeffrey Davis)

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A sense of Wonder. I confess I believe it's something that comes and goes... and it needs to be cultivated. It's very easy to become comfortable with the way things are, the things around you, and nothing sparkles anymore.

I wonder at little things. I love seeing the little things. I don't want to walk through life and not notice the sparkles in the snow, the smile on my children's faces, and toys lined up in perfect order on the floor and left.

I try to cultivate wonder by taking pictures of these small things, and putting them into a book. Somethings of a legacy to leave my children, or anyone that would care to look at it. I wonder at the awesome taste of food and trying new ones. I wonder at the beautiful sunset (maybe I should wake up to see the sunrise once in a while). I wonder at the sights and smells through out my day... and most of the time I'm only at home!

How can I cultivate wonder next year? Keep noticing the small things... and maybe when things don't go as planned, take wonder in what is in front of me now... now what I thought it would be.

Alive

December 3 – Moment.

Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors).

(Author: Ali Edwards)

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I struggled with this prompt.

I thought about it most of the day.

And I limited myself from being completely logical. I wasn't going to pick out "the best from the whole year" and I wasn't going to look at my calendar (though I fought that ALL DAY). Instead, of writing right away... I checked my email (nothing interesting), checked my favorite blogs (thankfully Ali does her prompts a day behind), make some brownie biscotti, organic mac and cheese for the kids, and snuggled in with finishing my book.

And I thought more about it.

I tried to think of relaxing times... and I enjoy those, but I don't feel "most alive." When I thought about it--I feel most alive when I create.

I enjoy being a mom. I enjoy teaching. I enjoy being a wife. I enjoy a lot of things. But, when do I feel "alive." It's when I create. Creating anything. I love to create food (not all the time, but most of the time). I make a menu (which I don't always love), and I create supper. I create brownie biscotti, I create chicken roulade with my husband.

I get into my funk when I create scrapbooks, art, digital anything... When I play with glitter, make something meaningful in Adobe Photoshop, I sit back in awe... I created.

To go with Ali's prompt for today, for my favorite way to "create," I usually have music playing--anything on iTunes. I don't really listen to it, but it fills the air around me. I have my trusty cup of coffee, that I have to go and reheat at least 3 times. I'm in the zone... Brian can't reach me, he has to make sure I'm looking at him or I am really not listening. Creating... I love it.

On Writing...

I was excited to actually write on my blog. I like to write, and I like to express myself... but I don't always know what to say. I have kept a diary ever since 2nd grade... and I have loved it. It's been on-again off-again, and that is exactly what I like about it. It's mine. Nobody is critiquing it, nobody is reading it, and nobody is requiring anything out of it. EVEN ME (that's the amazing part).

I am excited for my new word. Last year was story. I have seen that word resurface over and over. Like it was supposed to make a point! I first saw it on Ali Edward's blog. And I didn't think anything of it. Stop. Correction. I did think of it. It never left my mind. But I didn't think it applied to ME until a few more steps... Don Miller's book, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years, John Eldridge's book, Wild at Heart, and J. R. R. Tolkien's, The Lord of the Rings Trilogy. I wrestled with story... My story. And, this quest has taken a year, now that I look at it!

And this year... Adventure.... being brave, courageous. Taking steps, even baby steps, to at least head out the door, down the road, onto my adventure.

So, today, the Reverb10 prompt was about writing.

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December 2 Writing.
What do you do each day that doesn’t contribute to your writing — and can you eliminate it?
(Author: Leo Babauta)

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Ironically, or maybe, totally in step with my adventure, is making writing more part of my adventure into a new business. I have been reading The Art of Non-Conformity by Chris Guillebeau, and he gains much of his "freedom" from having his own following on his blog. I new this was a step I would need to take in my business/freedom/adventure quest, but I didn't know where.

I Guess Here.

I will be doing this challenge, which is writing, and part of that challenge is to post it on my blog. And I would like to start some more topics, that would be posted on my business/adventure blog. I haven't started it yet... I wonder when?

What do I do what doesn't contribute to my writing? Multitask. It distracts and makes everything disjointed. I think I can multitask, but it makes everything messy. Don't even ask me to be looking at the internet and have a conversation on the phone... it's terrible!

How do I eliminate multitasking? Focus. One thing at a time. Fulfill it. Buy a dang timer and when it goes off, THEN move on to the next thing.

Reverb10

I am trying a new challenge that has me reflecting about the last year and manifesting the next. I am excited for a simple project that lasts for only 31 days. And it gives me ambition to write on my blog.

Check out Reverb10 if you want to try it too!

December 1 One Word.
Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you?

Story

If there is anything that I have been learning this last year, it is about my story. My story not just as a mom, just as a wife, just as a good Christian, but what does my story look like, and is it what I want it to be? I already had a post that explained it more, especially the 3rd thing that God has taught me lately about Story.

Adventure

Learning about my story this last year, I'm ready (glup... maybe not quite) for an Adventure. And with learning about my story, I have learned (but not yet put into practice) a couple of things. Fear-- I have fear, a lot of it, but those that live in adventures have fear too. They deal with it. They continue on, they do it anyway. I want an adventure, and it's now time to DO what I have LEARNED.

bia *Betsy *Independent *Artist

So, I know that progression and living life to the fullest cannot be put into a check list.

And I know that I want to make things simple like that.

Ate Breakfast--Check

Loved someone--Check

Did more for the world--Check

It's bogus... but it's nice to have little baby-steps. And I feel like God has put these tiny baby-steps in front of my path. They are so tiny that I don't even know that I am doing them!

God's checklist for my teeny-tiny baby steps....

1. Notice that she hasn't been creative--Check

2. Work out some longing to do something--Check

3. Read a blog by inspiring crafter--Check

4. Put inspirational book into PDF on her computer--Check

5. Discover PDF and remembers she wants to read that--Check

6. Put a pithy and rememberable checklist in PDF so that she will unconsciously want to make a checklist--Check

I haven't even read the book yet, and I am inspired. The TITLE inspired me. "The Art of Non-Conformity."

I like that. I hate boxes (unless I'm organizing my closet). I hate seeing people put in a box (unless their Houdini), I hate seeing God being put in a box, I hate ideas being put in a box. What do we have... and how can we do it differently.

Am I an original thinker? no. I like to scrap-lift, quote quotable quotes, and read other big thinkers stuff. And for some reason if I have a checklist or a challenge... I have to do it. Or in this case, go out of my way NOT to do it.

11 Ways to be unremarkably AVERAGE *by Chris Guillebeau

1. Accept what people tell you at face value
2. Don't question authority
3. Go to college because you're supposed to, not because you want to learn something
4. Go overseas once or twice in your life, to somewhere safe like England
5. Don't try to learn another language; everyone else will eventually learn English.
6. Think about starting your own business, but never do it.
7. Think about writing a book, but never do it.
8. Get the largest mortgage you qualify for and spend 30 years paying for it
9. Set at a desk 40 hrs a week for an average of 10 hrs of productive work
10. Don't stand out or draw attention to yourself
11. Jump through hoops. Check off boxes.

Ahhhh! So many of those I was "unchecking" then I got to 11...

Anyway. It was #6. #7 I knew that I wanted to do... Write a book. I still do.

#6 I never thought would be an option.

Until God babystepped me all the way here.

I don't know what I am doing. But I have courage just to make baby-steps. And if a step takes too much courage... I'll break it down into doable baby steps.

Okay Don, Okay Chris, I'm going to do it.

I'm starting a business. bia

When "coincidence" proves God's direction

Stirring. I have had a lot of that lately.

Something unsettled in my heart. Things not where I want them to be in my life. Stirring towards something. Something that I don't know what it is yet.

Stirring that's exciting, invigorating, and has me motivated.

And I can't figure out just what to do with myself.

Words keep coming up in my life.

Creativity

Entrepreneur

Justice

Identity

Non-Conformity

Status-quo

Reading

Leading

Love

Courage

Courageousness

Story

Epic

Strength

Perseverance

Lord, what on earth are doing?

I have learned that there are two sides of me. They do not want to be ignored. It's been a week since I have posted last, and I have finished a book, and started a list of others.

I have cleared off my scrapbooking table, and my wonderful husband hung up my shelves.

I have listened to a new band to me, the Weepies, that I LOVE.

I have prayed anew, learning, opening up to God, and ready to see things He's doing.

And then. I doubt.

I can't really be doing this... maybe I'm going to an early mid-life crisis. Maybe the things I'm learning is just supposed to calm me down. Maybe I'm just an energetic person with big ideas and no work. I can't do this. I'm too busy, too tired, too poor, too scared.

And then, I talk to a friend. And then, I find a list of books that my husband wrote down--and they match mine. And I learn that people find my skills valuable. And I learn that when there is something worth doing--people will follow.

And I know-- and these "coincidences" are not just so, but building blocks. Baby steps that God is helping me take before I even know that I am walking.

And I believe.