Finally....a camera

It came! My camera came! I have been without a digital camera for over a year (when it broke on Easter of 2009). Plus, I've been wanting a DSLR anyway... but when my other broke I thought... "Finally! I can have a reason to upgrade!" Well, I didn't think it would take me over a year to save up for a new one, but I did it!

I got a Canon Rebel XSI. Now I realize there are newer and better on the market, but for a year of doing research, I knew this is what would work for my purposes.

Now, here we are, in the midst of moving, my house is destroyed from packing and cleaning... but I am STILL baking a birthday cake. AND I am playing around with my new camera.

AND while I'm off task... let's make a digital scrapbook page.

AND... let's just hurry up and post it on Blogger.

Why not? Gotta enjoy these memories.

Cheers. :)

Right Here

Life is always complicated. After years of wishing that it will slow down or de-complicate itself (yes, I know it's not a word), I have come to the realization that it won't happen.

There are always going to be tough decisions.

Decisions that everyone else doesn't understand.

Decisions that are just plain wrong and everyone else sees it but you don't.

And confusion.

And that's the way it is. Is there is "right" way? Probably not. I think that there are many "right" ways to do most things. (Now don't get me wrong, there are many "wrong" ways too. And there are moral and non-moral ways to handle things.)

But, life in black and white....I don't think it exists. And if it does for some, then they are only sticking with one frame of thinking, and I don't think God just uses one way to do things.

I have been learning a lot lately about a lot of things, and interwoven in it is this idea that God never did the same things twice. He rescued the Israelites from the Egyptians by having them cross the Red Sea and parting the waters. He rescued the Israelites from the Assyrians by having a Babylonian empire take over them, and the Medio-Persian Empire take over them, and THEN they could go back to Israel under King Cyrus. Amazing sea-parting experience that happened all at once, compared to political decree that happened after 3 empires over hundreds of years.... Interesting.

Jesus healed many blind people--but every time it's recorded in the Bible, he does it differently! He speaks, he touches, he uses mud, he only half heals and then fully heals. Interesting.

He's unpredictable. He's un-controllable. He's amazing.

In all of this, I have begun to learn to not predict what he's doing. I am learning to know that things will not turn out as I expected.

And that I can see Him work here.

Right here.

Right now.

Sounds strange in the area that I live in. "What? What's He going to do here?"

But honestly, the nations are coming to this town's doorstep. Feed the hungry. Help the poor. There is so much of it right here. Fight for justice. Love your neighbors.

All... right... here...

I saw it before, it's just not where I wanted to be. Couldn't I go to a larger city? Couldn't I go to another country? Why on Earth did God plant me HERE?! I love being around family... but really?

But here is where He planted me. He never works the same. He has his own ideas on how things should work.

He's in control. And he's letting me find my way.

What a great combination.

Solitude

"Brian, I think we need to slow down."

Really, I think we've been going at a breakneck speed for a bit too long. Now, I realize having 3 kids so fast will do that, each one speeding up life exponentially. I also realize that having 3 jobs will do that.

I desire to actually spend time with my kids, instead of spending time around them. I love reading to them, playing dinosaurs, and playing playdough. But, really, I spend a lot of time running around, making supper, cleaning the house, tending to my business, getting ready for the next thing.

What about now?!

So, we are working on this. Slowing down.....

Granted, it's not going too well.

Brian's leaving for a Twins game tonight. I'm probably going to work on taking glue off the walls so we can paint.

And oh yeah, we're moving. So packing up the apartment. Having it ready for showing.

Maybe it'll slow down, and I realize I'm the one that has to put on the breaks...

But you know, as I write this, I realize that I still find those times of solitude. I love my coffee (or soon to be tea...I'm trying to break an addiction) in the morning, whether it's quietly reflecting on the Word, or if I have it in a travel mug on the way to MOPS. I love my showers (the one place I can be alone without someone demanding my attention). I love grocery shopping...especially when I get everything on my list in budget!

And sometimes, I have a cyber place of solitude. I can blog about things, listen to music, and reflect.

I'm sure the kids are destroying my house before they nap. (Like the other day... they ate 1/2 a pan of muffins before I realized it.)

That's okay. I'll clean it all up...

...in just a little bit...

Fail

I guess I'm a glutton for punishment. I have many expectations for myself, which I think having goals are important. I try to be everything:

A Good Mother

A Godly Wife

A Businesswoman

Trendy

Clean and Orderly

Calm parenting

Reader

Developing good spiritual habits

and with all of these, if I would give myself a report card it would read:

A Good Mother------- FAIL

A Godly Wife----------FAIL

A Businesswoman-----FAIL

Trendy------------------FAIL

Clean and Orderly-----FAIL

Calm parenting style--FAIL

Reader------------------Doing okay

Developing good spiritual habits---FAIL

In my head, I see the ways I fail. My shortcomings, and how I blow it. I freak out on my kids--FAIL. I give in--FAIL. I want to sleep longer--FAIL. Trendy? ha. (Sounds like I would be in a downright depression, huh?)

I am a perfectionist--though I have relaxed a lot. I want everything to be perfect in some way it would show that I strived hard enough, done enough, been enough. But perfectionism is any area of my life, with children, husband, myself, business, or God, will inevitably be a big fat FAIL. I will never be enough--so why even try? Because I can strive for excellence.

I was at sitting in the audience of a professional organizer. She was giving moms suggestions on how to keep their family and household under control. Many of her ideas were wonderful--she taught me how to eliminate paper piles (make DECISIONS on them and put them in proper places, instead of --over there). She taught me how to be SMART about my time (eliminate paper piles which distract you by 5 seconds for each paper out). I was starting to feel pretty good about myself.

Then, she said a wonderful quote.

"I am careful not to confuse excellence with perfection.

Excellence, I can reach for; perfection is God's business."

Michael J. Fox

God is teaching me amazing things--and here right in the middle of a lesson on how to organize my paper piles, I am struck with proverb that sends me to change my inward life.

I am reading a lot about parenting, the masculine heart, the feminine heart, and how that all correlates with God. God's teaching me that there is no "Act 3 Climax," no total fulfillment on this side of Heaven. I am learning that there is something more to strive for than parenting (because how they turn out is NOT up to me, how they are doing now is really NOT because of me). I am learning that basically "performance" doesn't matter.

I can strive... and FAIL to be perfect.

or I can strive for excellence and trip up a lot along the way. All I want for myself is to "live a natural life of absolute dependence on Jesus Christ."--Oswald Chambers.

Haiti--We Feel Your Pain and We Respond

Please Give whatever you can.

WORLD VISION

Take me on an Adventure

As part of my 2010 Goals, I am trying to read 24 books this year. That's two a month and at least one has to be non-fiction.

Thus far, I seem to be on track.

Currently, I am devouring Wild At Heart by John Eldridge.

And I am sorry it has taken me this long to read it.

It takes me into the inner workings of the man's soul, which I foolishly thought I understood. I am beginning to realize how much I really don't understand at all. I thought with how much I knew Brian, and how much we have talked even on this very particular subject, that I understood.

No. I just vaguely had some comprehension. That's it.

The beautiful thing is not only the book and touching on the "wildness" of the soul in a man... but my reaction to it.

How romantic.

Eldridge talks about the man needing a battle, an adventure, and a beauty. He speaks about the wildness that's in a man and how God is like that and created it. He stands back and looks that the church full of good-moral-ed but bored Christian men. You know, "The Really Nice Guys." And for women...boring. What kind of portrayal of Jesus are we giving?! Jesus was not "a really nice guy," being Mister Rogers doesn't get you murdered.

It's all screaming at me--"how romantic." I don't like chick-flicks and over the top fluff. But this is the real stuff. The excitement that women are after. And the amazing part of it is... I want to be a part of it! The adventure doesn't end when the beauty is saved. What kind of hero stops? No, the adventure is about something bigger--and the beauty is then along for the adventure as well.... sigh.....

I was explaining this to a couple of my girlfriends, about how wonderful it is to see a man on an adventure with a battle to fight. He's dangerous. He's robust, ruddy, and smells like dirt.

What does this adventure look like? Is it being a good husband and father? Yes... but mostly no.

William Wallace fought for something beyond himself. Freedom.
William Wilberforce fought for something beyond himself. Abolition of slavery.
Jesus fought for something beyond himself. Salvation.
Jim Elliot fought for something beyond himself. Gospel to the people in the Amazon.
Martin Luther King Jr. fought for something beyond himself. Equality.

Being on an adventure IS being a good husband and father. Of course, there is more to it, but having purpose and living by example IS being a good husband and father.

An adventure has a RISK factor. Something could go wrong--we could lose everything. But if it's beyond ourselves it's worth fighting for. And the adventure isn't about saving the beauty... It's having an adventure and saving her along the way.

______________________
Open Road by Nathan Lee

I don't know the way from here
been living under rocks and stones
its time to learn to see things clear
i can feel it in my bones
well I'm movin' on

I'm runnin' down an open road
like gasoline and fire
you can't shut me down
or burn me out
what am i living for
if I ain't climbing higher
don't wanna be has been
just wann be headin'
where I'm sposed' to go
until I die I'll be the man on the open road

it used to be sleepless nights
somewhere out under the stars
I finally found the morning light
you never thought I'd get this far
well I'm movin' on

This is the song for the morning after

2010 Goals

2010 already.

A New Year kind of creeps up on you, especially with all the excitement of the holiday season. Then BAM--it's the New Year, complete with taxes, clearance sales, really cold weather (at least for us in Minnesota), and New Year Resolutions.

I have been thinking a lot of New Year Resolutions. I never really took them seriously until a couple of years ago. So, I decided to make a goal and stick with it through out the year and see where it went.

Last year I committed to reading the Bible in a year and reading 12 books.

How did I do?

Well, I'm finishing up on the Bible in a Year. I only have a couple of minor prophets to go through and then I will complete it! So, It'll take me a year and a couple of weeks, but I will have read through the Bible!

I am really sure I read through 12 books... But here in lies the problem, I have no way to prove that. I forgot to write them down. So, I'm going to say I accomplished this.

This Years Goals:

Judging from my last year's goals, I am going to create goals that are measurable and attainable--but slightly out of grasp so that I have to strive.

I also was challenged to think of goals for the following areas:

Faith

Family

Friends

Finances

Fitness

Fun

2010 Goals

1. Faith-- Memorize 1 verse a month (with my children). And continue with a bi-weekly Bible Study.
2. Family--On the off week of Bible Study, Date night with my husband.
3. Friends--That's the Bible Study.
4. Finances-- Become Unit Manager by March, 100 new recruits (sound crazy check out this inspirational video!), and 3,500 in sales/month.
5. Fitness-- Run at least the 5k in our town. And be at my goal weight by June.
6. Fun-- Take my husband to Puerto Rico for free by achieving goals through lia sophia.

So, that's a lot for Goals! But I have learned, if you aim at nothing--you'll get it every time. So I'm aiming, striving for a Goal. And I have them written down--so I can't "forget" them by June!

2010 here I come!!!